Things are rather shaky and uncertain now but I know one constant is that seasons change and this too shall pass.
Although I am not ready to FULLY open up and share what’s completely going on just yet, what I am going to share below is very sacred to me, so please be kind <3.
I’ve had a really, really rough week last week. The roughest week that I’ve ever had in my 29 years of life thus far. I hate comparing how rough or how bad something is but that’s where I am now. I am learning to embrace what is and learning to accept my feelings and emotions as they come. In the past, I’ve been known to hide every emotion and feeling, for some reason I didn’t find it necessary to let them out. Hindsight is 20/20 because I’m pretty sure that is why I have such a hard time opening up now and have anxiety whenever I write posts knowing that once I hit “submit” I cannot take it back. But the more I (slowly) open up, the more I realize that I am not alone in my struggles and that we are all hit very hard by life, at some point in our lives.
It’s scary to think how uncertain life is. One day can change your life forever. In the blink of an eye, your own world as you know it can be shattered. The most unsettling fact is that you have absolutely no control over the matter and you have to sit back and watch things unfold and at times fall apart around you. You are told “it’s going to be okay” or “you’ll make it.” Although I know all of this to be true (I know I will be okay and I know I will make it) I would like to embrace every single emotion that comes during this process of accepting what is.
My world feels so dark now. It’s damn near impossible for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now. There are some days where I say out loud, to myself what is going on and I’m more accepting of the situation. There are some days where I cannot even say what’s going on, in my head to myself without simply losing it.
If I can give any word of advice while going through this difficult time is to not let ANYONE, I don’t care who they are, minimize your feelings in any way whatsoever. You have every right to feel how you feel during difficult times and those feelings and emotions are yours and no one else’s! I am realizing that during this time and I am having to fight and stand up for myself more than ever. It’s not your responsibility to hide your emotions just because others have a hard time dealing with their own. No, that is their own personal responsibility, don’t you dare allow that to be projected onto you. Learn to take very good care of yourself during trying times because you will see who is really there for you and who isn’t. In the end, you only have yourself.
It’s disheartening to me that tough times really revel to you how people actually are but some people cannot deal with their own emotions so why expect them to come remotely close to dealing with yours. Unspoken feelings and emotions are never welcome additions to any situation. Harsh and difficult situations are usually the result of those unspoken words. I know it’s easier said than done but we MUST speak up and share, share, share! Too many broken homes, confused children that turn into angry adults and countless other unfortunate, sometimes preventable, situations. Do you think that we were given our words and our voice to keep silent? No! We were given our words and our voice to speak up and express how we are feeling. Now, I am no pro in the talking about your feelings department (I will be the first to admit it) BUT I have been making a conscious effort to do better and to better understand my emotions rather than write them off.
If I can learn anything from my current situation it is that life is very unpredictable and that nothing is certain. We must cherish each and EVERY day that we have because nothing is guaranteed. It’s hard to fully understand unless you have been through a storm that forces you to look at life differently than you have been prior. But isn’t that what storms are for? Teaching you as you go through and even more so when you come out (you always will). Life is the greatest teacher that we will ever have.
I know that I will rise again and will be better tomorrow (in the future) than I am today. I will NOT be the same person once this storm is over. I will be stronger and wiser. I have to constantly remind myself of this daily or else I will accept that life has knocked me down. I won’t accept that, I can fight back, I will fight back and I am fighting back. I may be only throwing small baby punches now but every day I am getting stronger and every day I am fighting to show life that it cannot keep me down. I got this <3.